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Bulletin Bloopers

None of the bloopers listed below are from our high quality and nearly perfect bulletin (of course) but they are actual quotations from actual bulletins collected from a variety of sources.

 

Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.

 

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.

 

Ushers will eat latecomers.

 

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

 

Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."

 

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

 

A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.

 

Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.

 

Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.

 

Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.

 

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

 

The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not affliced with any church.

 

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double doors at the side entrance.

 

Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.

 

Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

 

Wednesday the Ladies' Liturgy Group will meet. Mrs Johnson will sing, "Put Me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the Pastor.

 

The service will close with, "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

 

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

 

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

 

Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.

 

Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

 

The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

 

Barbara C. remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

 

Thursday at 5:00 PM, there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his private study.

 

The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.

 

The choir will meet at the Larsen house for fun and sinning.

 

Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

 

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

 

Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.

 

"Wise Up, O Men of God". Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

 

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

 

The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water. The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus

 

Next Thursday, there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

 

The agenda was adopted...the minutes were approved... the financial secretary gave a grief report.

 

The 'Over 60s Choir' will be disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church.

 

Missionary from Africa speaking at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Name: Bertha Belch. Announcement: Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa".

 

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 pm in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

 

Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She's used the program herself and has been growing like crazy!

 

Evening massage - 6 p.m.

 

The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

 

Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"

 

The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.

 

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

 

The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.

 

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and layan egg on the altar.

 

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

 

22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.

 

 

 

The preacher will preach his farewell massage, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth With Joy".